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Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention. – Jim Rohn
I visited my son, daughter-in-law, and grandson during August. The trip to Carterville, Illinois, where they live, takes me approximately 16 hours each way, so I spend a good portion of four days on the road. I like road trips. The time away from the computer eases the neck and shoulder pain, and I am able to clear my head. The drive also provides some interesting revelations about communication, especially between strangers.
When I am on the road alone for eight solid hours, I tend to require some sort of human interaction. I cannot tell you how many times I stop to get gas, a beverage, or a meal, and can hardly tell that I exist. Customer service, as we all recognize, has decreased substantially over the last few years. Even in small towns that used to be famous for friendly people, the folks behind the counters seem now to be angry or depressed, barely making eye contact unless I ask how they are doing or do something else to bring them out of their shells.
When I am approached by someone who does not fit the mold of an automaton, I am delighted, probably more than the situation would indicate. The occasion is so rare, though, that I have no choice but to be encouraged and energized by the interaction. And trust me, after being on highways in Illinois, Missouri, Arkansas, and Texas, I need to be energized.
One such situation happened to me in Missouri. I had been on the road about two hours and pulled over for breakfast at a McDonald’s. The place was busy and crowded, and a woman behind the counter was apologizing for the delay to a customer. She turned to me and said, “I’ll be right with you.” She finished serving the waiting customer, putting an extra small order of fries into his bag. “That’s to thank you for your patience.”
She took my order and while I was waiting near the counter, an elderly woman came up and put her arm around my shoulder. She pointed to the server and said, “That woman right there is the best server in the area. She always has a smile and always cares about her customers.”
“I can see that,” I responded, smiling at the server. I explained that I had just left my grandson and so appreciated friendly faces. The server beamed.
When my food came out, she added a Spiderman figure (from one of the Happy Meals) to my bag, saying, “That’s for your grandson.”
That very short interaction kept me smiling and alert for a long time as I made my way down IH 55.
Sometimes we can make such a difference in people’s lives with a tiny amount of effort. This woman went above and beyond, but even a smile and a friendly greeting that sounds genuine can make a person’s day brighter. Paying attention is the springboard to all effective communication, and is indeed a gift we can offer to everyone we meet.
Are you paying attention to the people you meet?
“We can’t overcome anger and hatred by simply suppressing them. We need to actively cultivate their antidotes – patience and tolerance.” – His Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama
Last month, I provided some ideas for dealing with demanding people. This month, I want to talk about how to get along with people you simply do not like.
We all have them – family members who irritate you, old friends who rub you the wrong way, coworkers who get on your last nerve, even people you have just met who you instinctively distrust. Avoiding the person works only when you can go your separate ways, but in many cases, you will find yourself confronting these people over and over again.
What can you do? Here’s my prescription. Think about that person. What do you know about him or her? Find something that the two of you have in common. It may be allegiance to a particular sports team. Maybe both of you are grandparents or parents of teenagers. There is camaraderie in the joy of grandchildren and the pain of having teenagers. We all have commonalities, no matter how small.
I once worked with a man for whom I had very little respect. His world view was very different from mine. He distrusted the employees he supervised and had a particularly autocratic style. However, after working with him for a number of years and during a time when my son was gravely ill, I discovered that he was dedicated to his family and supportive of any employee who had a family member in the hospital. I would not have guessed that he was capable of that level of empathy, but found that I could focus on that quality any time I had to work with him.
When you come in contact with the person, think about that common interest. Say a prayer or meditate on the connection that the two of you have. As I suggested last month with the demanding types, visualize the two of you being able to work or coexist peacefully without rancor or irritation. Imagine what that lack of animosity would look and feel like. Hold onto that image of harmony between the two of you as you interact with the person.
I won’t tell you that this process is easy. It takes a concerted effort to redirect your inclination to dislike someone, but over time, you may find more to like about him or her. More importantly, changing the way you react to these challenging people will benefit you and reduce your stress. Try it and let me know what happens.
Times are tough. Businesses find it more difficult to stay profitable and layoffs are common. Let’s face it. The economic situation provides employers with an opportunity to let go of people who do not have the skills needed to keep the company competitive. As an employee, you need to increase your abilities to be safe from layoffs. Increased competence will also provide more opportunities to be hired and promoted into jobs that pay well, even in these difficult economic times. The better your skills, the better the odds are that you will be able to ride through these economically difficult months.
One of the most important skills any employee can have is the ability to communicate clearly.
If you cannot write well, you reduce your chances of getting hired. According to a recent survey of businesses, 80% of companies in industries with the highest growth potential use writing skills as a measure for hiring. 86% of companies reject applicants who have poorly written application materials.*
Good writing skills are important after you get hired as well. Over 50% of these same companies assess writing when promoting employees.* You may not even realize how limited your chances at promotion are. If you find that you have been passed over for advancement, your grammar, spelling, and sentence structure skills may be holding you back. The ability to write is necessary in the vast majority of salaried jobs and many hourly positions as well.
In this same survey, business owners expressed how important writing skills are. *
“My view is that good writing is a sign of good thinking. Writing that is persuasive, logical, and orderly is impressive. Writing that’s not careful can be a signal of unclear thinking.”
“…writing appears to be a “marker” attribute of high-skill, high-wage, professional work. This is particularly true in sectors of the economy that are expanding, such as services, and the finance, insurance, and real estate sectors.”
” writing is also a “gatekeeper.” The equity dimensions of the writing challenge are substantial. People who cannot write in the United States can clearly find employment. The findings of this survey, however, indicate that opportunities for salaried employment are limited for employees unable to communicate clearly.”
Statistics and quotations from Writing: A Ticket to Work…Or a Ticket Out, a report of The National Commission on Writing © 2004 by College Entrance Examination Board. See www.writingcommission.org for the full report.
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