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Pay Attention!

§ September 1st, 2010 § Filed under communication, marketing, small business, training § Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , § No Comments

Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention. – Jim Rohn

I visited my son, daughter-in-law, and grandson during August. The trip to Carterville, Illinois, where they live, takes me approximately 16 hours each way, so I spend a good portion of four days on the road. I like road trips.  The time away from the computer eases the neck and shoulder pain, and I am able to clear my head. The drive also provides some interesting revelations about communication, especially between strangers.

When I am on the road alone for eight solid hours, I tend to require some sort of human interaction. I cannot tell you how many times I stop to get gas, a beverage, or a meal, and can hardly tell that I exist. Customer service, as we all recognize, has decreased substantially over the last few years. Even in small towns that used to be famous for friendly people, the folks behind the counters seem now to be angry or depressed, barely making eye contact unless I ask how they are doing or do something else to bring them out of their shells.

When I am approached by someone who does not fit the mold of an automaton, I am delighted, probably more than the situation would indicate. The occasion is so rare, though, that I have no choice but to be encouraged and energized by the interaction. And trust me, after being on highways in Illinois, Missouri, Arkansas, and Texas, I need to be energized.

One such situation happened to me in Missouri. I had been on the road about two hours and pulled over for breakfast at a McDonald’s. The place was busy and crowded, and a woman behind the counter was apologizing for the delay to a customer. She turned to me and said, “I’ll be right with you.” She finished serving the waiting customer, putting an extra small order of fries into his bag. “That’s to thank you for your patience.”

She took my order and while I was waiting near the counter, an elderly woman came up and put her arm around my shoulder.  She pointed to the server and said, “That woman right there is the best server in the area. She always has a smile and always cares about her customers.”

“I can see that,” I responded, smiling at the server. I explained that I had just left my grandson and so appreciated friendly faces. The server beamed.

When my food came out, she added a Spiderman figure (from one of the Happy Meals) to my bag, saying, “That’s for your grandson.”

That very short interaction kept me smiling and alert for a long time as I made my way down IH 55.

Sometimes we can make such a difference in people’s lives with a tiny amount of effort. This woman went above and beyond, but even a smile and a friendly greeting that sounds genuine can make a person’s day brighter. Paying attention is the springboard to all effective communication, and is indeed a gift we can offer to everyone we meet.

Are you paying attention to the people you meet?

Find the Commonalities

§ August 2nd, 2010 § Filed under communication, training § Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , § No Comments

“We can’t overcome anger and hatred by simply suppressing them. We need to actively cultivate their antidotes – patience and tolerance.” – His Holiness, the 14th Dalai Lama

Last month, I provided some ideas for dealing with demanding people. This month, I want to talk about how to get along with people you simply do not like.

We all have them – family members who irritate you, old friends who rub you the wrong way, coworkers who get on your last nerve, even people you have just met who you instinctively distrust. Avoiding the person works only when you can go your separate ways, but in many cases, you will find yourself confronting these people over and over again.

What can you do? Here’s my prescription. Think about that person. What do you know about him or her? Find something that the two of you have in common. It may be allegiance to a particular sports team. Maybe both of you are grandparents or parents of teenagers. There is camaraderie in the joy of grandchildren and the pain of having teenagers.  We all have commonalities, no matter how small.

I once worked with a man for whom I had very little respect. His world view was very different from mine. He distrusted the employees he supervised and had a particularly autocratic style. However, after working with him for a number of years and during a time when my son was gravely ill, I discovered that he was dedicated to his family and supportive of any employee who had a family member in the hospital. I would not have guessed that he was capable of that level of empathy, but found that I could focus on that quality any time I had to work with him.

When you come in contact with the person, think about that common interest. Say a prayer or meditate on the connection that the two of you have. As I suggested last month with the demanding types, visualize the two of you being able to work or coexist peacefully without rancor or irritation. Imagine what that lack of animosity would look and feel like. Hold onto that image of harmony between the two of you as you interact with the person.

I won’t tell you that this process is easy. It takes a concerted effort to redirect your inclination to dislike someone, but over time, you may find more to like about him or her. More importantly, changing the way you react to these challenging people will benefit you and reduce your stress. Try it and let me know what happens.

Private Communication

§ June 8th, 2010 § Filed under communication, training § Tagged , , , , , , , , § No Comments

Most of the time my business deals with communication that is designed to be for the public. Whether I’m teaching interpersonal communication skills or business writing, or writing keyword rich text for a website, I’m focused on making sure that the audience receives the message. I was a witness to a situation the other day that made me realize there needs to be training for communication that should not be open to the public.

I was at one of my favorite sandwich shops the other day, waiting for a to-go order. (Why I never think to call ahead is beyond me!) As I was waiting, watching the employees take and ring up orders, put together boxes, call out names, and deliver to customers, I heard a loud voice in a conversation. I looked up and realized that a man was sitting on the other side of the to-go waiting area. He was on his cell phone, carrying on a conversation.

I would prefer not to have to listen to other people’s conversations, but in a situation like this, waiting for a to-go order, I normally don’t have a problem with people using their cell phones while they are waiting. But the parts of the conversation that I couldn’t help but hear went something like this:

“Well, that’s just unacceptable.”

“No, don’t worry. I’ll handle it.”

“We’ll have to sit him down and discuss this with him.”

It sounded like someone was in trouble. It wouldn’t have been a big deal that I was hearing this conversation, but as I got my order and walked toward the door, I realized that the man I had been listening to was the manager of the sandwich shop and if I could hear this conversation, so could his employees.

From just the little bit of conversation I overheard, the man might have been talking to his wife about his son. Or he might have been talking to someone about one of his employees. I don’t know.

Aren’t there times when conversations should be private? The traditional advice has always been to praise in public, and criticize in private. Maybe we need to extend that advice to our conversations on cell phones as well.