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For the past ten years I have had the opportunity to serve on the Bexar County Small, Minority, & Women-Owned Business Enterprise (SMWBE) Program Advisory Committee. This committee makes recommendations to Commissioners Court on issues that affect contracting and purchasing practices within the County. The focus is on finding ways to create a level playing field for small business and those businesses that are run by minorities, women, and Veterans.
Shortly before I joined, the committee had recommended and the Commissioners had agreed to hire Renee Watson as the Manager of the SMWBE Program. To those of us in the small business community (and San Antonio is primarily a small business community), Renee has been the smartest decision our County Commissioners have ever made. I’m sure there are people all over the country in government or private enterprise who understand contracting and participation of small, minority, women, and Veteran businesses, but I would hold Renee up against anyone in the nation for her knowledge. She has guided us in helping to oversee a race-neutral program since Bexar County has no set-asides or points awarded for participation by particular groups. Our committee has consistently requested that any organization that uses County funds open the purchasing process to small business. That includes County departments and organizations such as University Hospital that are funded by taxpayer dollars. That also includes companies that get large contracts from the County. Beyond that, Renee advises any company that comes to the area in how opening up their purchasing to locally-owned business will help save them money and give them positive publicity and support in the area the company serves.
There have been a number of successes that have grown out of the County’s SMWBE office including a very successful mentor-protégé program for construction companies. The AT&T Center and the J.W. Marriott have posted record percentages of purchases from small, minority, women and veteran businesses in the San Antonio area, partially due to the involvement of Renee and the committee.
One of the most helpful programs has been the Contracting Conference that is held in December each year. We just completed our tenth event. This year’s event featured 170 exhibitors, nearly all purchasing managers who were there to let small businesses know that they want to buy goods and services. The event provides the over 4000 small business owners who attend a chance to talk one-on-one to purchasers from every government agency and a number of private firms. There are workshops and briefings and the entire event is free to the attendees.
The volunteer force at this event has grown to approximately 150 people who donate two or more hours to help register and check in the attendees, provide directions and answer questions, and relieve the exhibitors when needed. There are four of us who have volunteered since the first years of this event who help guide the rest. We all believe strongly in the importance of opening up opportunities to small business.
Small businesses are indeed the engine that fuels this country, and nowhere more than in the San Antonio area. When small businesses grow, they tend to stay in the area. The owners of small businesses are from here. Their families are here. They have a commitment to the area. When businesses such as the J.W. Marriott purchase goods and services from local business, those businesses build capacity and hire more people from the area.
This week, I talked to a number of small business owners who made contacts that will likely turn into contracts. I am honored to be a part of this effort and very thankful to Commissioners Court, Renee Watson, and her team for making this possible.
“Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand.”- Sue Patton Thoele
Over the past ten months, I have written about all sorts of problems and issues in communication. This month’s topic is the most important communication skill anyone can develop – listening. In fact, I found so many quotations about listening, it was hard to choose, so I’m going to use a few.
“Everything has been said before, but since nobody listens we have to keep going back and beginning all over again.” – Andre Gide
We are a population of non-listeners. Even those who are moderately skilled at listening have to work at it. How often have you “listened” to someone while planning what your response will be? How often has your mind strayed? How often have you paid more attention to your surroundings than to the person in front of you?
Here is an exercise to increase your listening skills. The next time your spouse, child, friend or coworker starts talking, resist the temptation to interrupt. Respond with an appropriate nod or shake of your head, or murmur “Hmm” or “Oh.” Let the person complete his or her thoughts. When he or she takes a breath, look thoughtful and count to ten before responding to make sure the person is finished. If the person does not speak again in those ten seconds, carry on the conversation as usual. If the person starts to talk again, stay quiet. In the next pause, count to ten again. I know this will feel awkward at first, but try it. If the person you are talking to notices a difference, tell him or her that you are improving your listening skills.
“If you spend more time asking appropriate questions rather than giving answers or opinions, your listening skills will increase” – Brian Koslow
Listening well is a skill that can be learned. Like any other skill, improvement takes practice. Learning to ask questions that help you to understand what the speaker means will improve your listening skills, but will also help create rapport with the speaker. Your questions let the speaker know that you value what he or she has said, that you seek to understand his or her point. In doing the above “counting to ten” exercise, when the person has stopped talking, ask some clarifying questions. These questions might start with phrases like
- “It appears as if…”
- “You feel…”
- “It seems like…”
- “As I understand it, you sound…”
- “If I hear you correctly, you’d like…”
“To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as to talk well, and is as essential to all true conversation” – Chinese Proverbs
Creating that rapport and letting the speaker know that you are paying attention is the first step toward true communication. It is also a first step toward agreement. If you can truly understand what the other person is thinking, you may have a chance to give him or her insight into your viewpoint.
When we live in such a divided country, it is critical that we understand what others are saying. On this post-election day, I’ll leave you with this one.
“A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with.” – Kenneth A. Wells
Try these exercises at your Thanksgiving Day table. It might make the whole day more enjoyable. Happy Thanksgiving!
”The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” –Peter F. Drucker
The last few months I have talked to you about communication. There is one area that we have not discussed. Nonverbal communication is probably one of the most important aspects of communication. We use it for a number of reasons – to add emphasis or clarity, to accompany, to contradict, or to substitute for the verbal message. The people who interact with us use the clues we transmit to interpret our meaning.
Nonverbal communication can include any information not in words that a speaker uses that might be interpreted by the listener. We normally think of facial expressions and gestures. But the parts of our communication that do not include words can entail so much more, including eye contact, volume, pitch, amount of personal space, posture, inflection, and even the sounds we make (such as uh, um, hmm, referred to as paralanguage.)
65% of the message is nonverbal
Some researchers report that around 65 percent of the meaning of a message is conveyed nonverbally. Others rank nonverbal closer to 93 percent. Even at the lower estimate, it is obvious that nonverbal communication is an integral part of our daily communication and without it, meaning can be lost.
I discovered this past weekend that nonverbal communication also serves an important task for memory. I attended my 40th high school reunion. I have a number of friends from those years who I am still close to, and I worked on the planning committee so I had been in contact with others over the last few months. But as the events started on Thursday, I was seeing some people I had not seen in over 40 years.
My task was to work on a PowerPoint presentation that ran continuously throughout the main event. The presentation was primarily a set of individual photos from our senior yearbook. We asked our classmates to send current photos in and I created a slide for each one that transitioned from the senior class photo to the current photo. I had seen what most of these nearly 60 year olds now looked like before I greeted them at the events.
There were a few, however, who had not sent their current photos in, and I found that the ensuing four decades had erased my memory and had created sufficient change in most people that I was unable to identify them. I noticed I wasn’t the only one. Throughout the events, you would hear people ask, “Who is that?”
Nonverbal is memorable
Once introduced, I could usually see the 18 year old I had known in the older face. But the real identifying information came from the nonverbal part of our interactions. The gestures, the tone of voice, the facial expressions, all played a key part in helping me remember my classmates.
One classmate has always had a very dry sense of humor. The deadpan inflection in his voice instantly reminded me of sitting in front of him in English class. One woman has the most piercing blue eyes and she stares intently when she is listening. She has not lost that ability to make people feel that she is paying total attention to what they have to say. Another always had a smile for everyone he met. That smile is still there. Another has always had wonderful posture. In spite of the years, she would still be a model for my mother’s warning to stand up straight. It was a remarkable experience to revisit these old friends, but without the nonverbal cues, I’m afraid I would not have recognized many of my classmates.
Apparently, the nonverbal part of our message implants in our memories as much as a first kiss, a winning basketball game, or a particularly difficult teacher. I’m particularly glad I have these memories, and thankful to my classmates for the examples.
If these memories last 40 years, imagine how much nonverbal communication affects the people you interact with on a daily basis. Doesn’t it make sense to make sure your unspoken messages are coming across clearly and produce positive memories?
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